I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
