i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
