Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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