Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
