Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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