apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
