I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
