So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
