Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
