i permit you to call me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize