This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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