He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Found your dick twin last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
