It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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