I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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