Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
