I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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