Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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