didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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