Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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