I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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