Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
