I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
