I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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