That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
