So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
