I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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