You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
