you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
