What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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