She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
