So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
