Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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