I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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