You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
