Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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