Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
