Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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