well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
