I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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