So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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