Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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