....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
