If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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