Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
