literally had 100 drinks last night.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
