When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
