I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
