Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
