When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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