just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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