her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
