Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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