Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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did i walk over a car last night?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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