420 ftw
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
