You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
