so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
