so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
