He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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