If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
