I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
