Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
