also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
