How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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