Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize