He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
