my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
