It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
